When I landed to begin calling you home in October 2013, I had no idea the adventures you would take me on. I will never forget landing on a smoggy day in the Du, my lungs and eyes burning from pollution, and wondering to myself, "What have we done?" I was sick from day one with a fever and upper respiratory infection that got us off to a rough start.
But you didn't let that bad first impression ruin our young relationship.
Soon, you introduced me to all your spicy delicacies and I knew I was on course to become a foodie, because you fed me so well and I was falling in love with food. I never knew vegetables could be so delicious. I had no clue that for 27 years I had been missing out on what I believe to be the best food in the world.
You showed me that food can be full of flavors while just using raw ingredients and that I can eat my fill of delicious food because it's healthy.
You wore me out at times with your big city noise, but then I moved to your countryside and although people still liked it rowdy, I saw that you are diverse and have a peaceful, beautiful, and natural side. You are filled with unscathed mountains, hardworking farmers that work near impossibly difficult land, and forests and wildlife so diverse that even your own east coast urban dwellers are amazed at the wonders you hold.
You are beautiful.
When I would come back to the States, I would be the expert on you and everyone thought I was an encyclopedia about you. And at first, I thought I knew quite a bit about you, but as I delved deeper into your langua-culture, I quickly saw how little I knew. As I did life with you by getting to know your people and your stories, I saw how no one can ever really know a country because every region is different. Every province is different. Every city is different. Even what may be true for one family isn't true for the one next door. Sure, I learned a lot about you and know you pretty well (at least the parts of you I saw), but there's no figuring you out. Trying to summarize you would inevitably be true in part and a downright lie in another.
You humbled me with your bigness and diversity.
I was raised in the American South. American Southerners are known for being friendly and hospitable and I thought I knew what that meant too. Then I walked down your village roads in the middle of the mountains where no white skinned person had ever walked before and your doors opened, the food was cooked, and tiny stools were pulled up around tables of steaming fresh cooked food. You shared your tea and your time with a complete stranger. Sure, I usually brought meat and potatoes with me so I wouldn't be a financial burden and abuse your hospitality, but even if I hadn't done that, you still would have shared gladly. You paid for my meals so many times even though much of the time, I was the wealthier one. However, you were the host and in your culture, the host pays.
You taught me hospitality.
You showed me my weaknesses and gave me an opportunity to grow stronger.
I wasn't ready to say goodbye when we got on that plane December 2019. I had no idea it would be the last time I would call you home. I am an insanely different person than I was 7 years ago when I started learning your language, your culture, your people, and a new way of life. I don't feel I belong in America anymore because now I'm a little bit Chinese. I feel the tension of how you changed me. You made me a more balanced person by showing me different ways of life and thinking. It is so hard to say goodbye to you as home. Especially when it happened apart from my choosing. 2020 has brought many changes to life and although I'm at peace with it, it's still so difficult on an almost daily basis.
I don't know when we'll see each other again. Considering I don't even know what tomorrow holds, it is possible I may never land on your soil again. However, I want to say thank you for being what only you could be China. You are wild, diverse, crazy, sometimes chaotic, proud, savvy, cunning, and hospitable. I hope this isn't a final farewell, but let us end with the phrase I usually said to all of my Chinese friends when I was saying goodbye.
下次见中国。See you next time China.
You'll be missed.
Sincerely,
Trace